Here's my promise to you: If you'll give me the time it takes to read this short invitation (about two minutes), I'll give you 5 actions steps guaranteed to change your life forever.
Let me start by asking you a few simple questions. Do you feel guilty, confused, somehow out-of-sync for reasons you can't explain? Do you perceive that your career has flatlined and your work environment has gone stale? Do you feel invisible at home. Do you clean your children's room because it's less fatiguing than nagging them to do it themselves? Do you feel unappreciated? As moms we tend to give too much of ourselves taking care of everyone else—making sure the boss is satisfied, the kids are happy, the husband or boyfriend is supported—and in doing so we leave only enough energy to push through each day. Some days we don't even have the oomph to push. Some days it's easier to do nothing. Here's the good news. I can help. I coach moms like you on innovative ways to initiate change in your life. I do that by suggesting creative actions intended to break old habits (both yours and those around you) and allow new habits to take hold. Call now. 580.916.5721 I'll explain exactly what I mean in a moment, but for now let me tell you a story. A couple of years ago my mother telephoned. She was frantic, sobbing, nearly incomprehensible. She said that my uncle's brother, Elliott, a man I had never met, who lived in Buffalo, New York, had just receive an urgent call while attending a wedding for a nephew in Arlington, Texas. “Great news. We have a kidney,” the caller said. “You need to be here by six a.m. You can make it, right?” “Well, I think so,” Elliott said. Elliott had been on the kidney transplant list at Buffalo General Hospital for three years. In all that time, he had never once been more than fifteen minutes from the hospital. Now he was stranded, stuck in Texas with not a single commercial flight departing that evening from Dallas/Fort Worth or surrounding airports. Worse, private chartered flights ran upwards of $20,000, money Elliott and his family didn't have. My mother called me to ask if I had any ideas. I did.
I began texting friends asking if they knew of a pilot, anyone with a plane, helicopter, whatever. I sent out twenty, thirty texts, made phone calls for two solid hours. Nothing. Then I thought of a friend enrolled in flight school at the local university. I made my pitch and he put me in touch with another friend, John, who made calls to other friends, who called other friends and an hour later, John called back. “He's on his way to the airport. He needs to know where to land.” “What? Who's on his way,” I asked. “What are you talking about?” “I found a pilot. Warren. He works for Chief Greg Pyle of the Choctaw Nation. He'll do it.” In only a couple of hours, and with the help of a network of friends (most I didn't know personally), we found a pilot willing to fly from Durant, Oklahoma (where I live), to Alliance Airport in Texas (not far from the wedding ceremony), and on to Buffalo, New York, and back again without receiving a dime. And I found a corporate jet owner in Chief Pyle willing to loan out his jet and cover the cost of fuel without so much as meeting me, my family, or Elliott, a man in desperate need of a new kidney. In all that activity we got the results Elliott and his family wanted, the results they deserved. So let me ask you: Is making a few dozen phone calls and sending a bucketful of texts so creative? Not really. In this case, the creativity was in taking action, in thinking big, in asking for help, and in expecting a larger than life outcome. We had two other things working in our favor: 1) we didn't have a lot of time to “think” and instead had to act, and 2) we had a clearly defined goal. Elliott needed to get to Buffalo. Like now. Key question: What do you want? More recognition at work? A meaningful connection with your children? More time to spend with friends? Better health. A body you are proud of? An exotic, all expenses paid trip to Bali? Don't answer. I know what you're going to say. You want ALL of these things. I know you do. Here's a secret: “Want” is in your head. Real world results (those things outside of your head) come about by taking creative action. Only action will lead to new behaviors and those behaviors will result in new outcomes, new relationships, new opportunities, and new possibilities.
Hey, lots of successful people have a coach in the background nudging them in the right direction. These respected and highly intelligent women benefited from the honest criticism and insightful advice of a professional coach. They watched, learned, listened . . . and were transformed by the process. Successful people don't try to reinvent the wheel. They simply look for an experienced coach and use the coach as a roadmap to their dreams. Sure, they tweak and customize the program to fit their needs — but, they get a tremendous leg up on success by plugging into the core competencies of an established coach. So let me ask you point blank: If the most successful people in the world use coaches to improve their lives, do you think your chances of succeeding in a BIG way dramatically increases if you're willing to do the same? Seriously! Do this and you put the odds in your favor! The only thing that separates unhappy moms from happy, successful moms is the actions that got them there. If you want a richer life, and I mean right now, try this.
So what's the wrong thing? That depends on the roadblocks in front of you. A couple of years ago I was stuck in a rut. My youngest, then thirteen didn't listen to me (I mean, geez, he was thirteen), refused to pickup after himself, and (here was my pet peeve) refused to put even a single dish into the dishwasher without being told about a thousand times. I know this sounds petty, but his shear stubbornness had eaten away at me. I took his refusal as a personal assault on my parenting. He was my baby and yet I internalized his anti-dishwasher phase as a sign of disrespect and that disrespect hurt me in ways he couldn't imagine, ways that even now surprise me. Here's what I did; here's the creative action I took. I told him the next time I found a dish in the sink (and not in the dishwasher twenty inches away) I was going to break an egg on top of his head. “No way,” he said. “Way,” I said. “You won't.” “I will.” (Dear Moms, before you send me a scathing email about the virtues of personal space or the unpredictability of teens or the messiness of egg yolks, I know this is weird. That's the point. My son and I needed weird to break our old habits. And I would never suggest this for your child, precisely because I don't know your child. I do, however, know mine, so read on.) This wasn't punishment. This wasn't a lecture. The egg-on-head-thing was a way to break the cycle, a way for both of us to stop old habits (his in “forgetting” where the dirty dishes were stored and mine in going needlessly spaz-like each time I saw a cereal bowl in the sink). It took all of three hours before my youngest “forgot” and put a dish in the sink. I found him in his bedroom playing a video game with a friend. I didn't say a word. I smiled and reached over and cracked an egg on top of his head and stood there as the slimy stuff dripped down his face. It was fun. We laughed. “That's gross,” he said. "No more gross than dirty dishes in the sink," I said. "After you clean up your dishes, you can wash up," which he did. Thereafter, I looked forward to a life without dishes in the sink. I wish I could tell you my son never left another dish in the sink, but I can't. What this little action did, however, was make a sort of game out of his “forgetting” and my frustration. I must have gone through a dozen eggs over the next several weeks before my son got tired of the egg-thing and “remembered” to just go ahead and put his dishes in the dishwasher. Question: How do you change behaviors, yours or those close to you? Answer: Take creative action and the more unorthodox (and memorable) the action the better. Okay, so this isn't a great example of creative action. Yet in a way it is. What I mean by creative action is doing lots of things to get one result. Overpower your objectives with not one but ten or twenty or fifty actions, all aimed at a clearly defined outcome. The outcomes you choose are up to you: a promotion, a sexier relationship, a middle son who stops texting his girlfriend long enough to carry on a 30-second conversation, even a youngest son who effortlessly puts his dirty dishes in the dishwasher. Anything is possible. Before I go on, let me tell you something about myself. I raised three headstrong boys all by my lonesome. In the process I worked full-time, finished up a college degree, put my sons through school (my oldest is now studying advertising at the University of Oklahoma), and I squeezed in enough time to learn to ski as an adult. In fact, for the last several years I've dragged the entire family to ski getaways in Lake Tahoe, Breckenridge, Boulder, Steamboat Springs, Aspen, and Banff, Canada. (And here's the kicker: My teens pay their own way — more on this lesson later.) When I summarize my story into a tidy little paragraph, you'd think my life was a dream. Well, it wasn't. At times, I took on too many projects, then made things worse by over managing. I felt guilty when I wanted time to myself, then became anxious when I didn't get it. I came up with oodles of harebrained schemes to get my kids and me working on the same page, then went cuckoo when the little rascals ignored me. I made so many mistakes I've lost count. In the last nine years of single parenting, I have learned that the only thing that counts, for myself and my children, is what I DO. As for my words, forget about it. As for scolding and grounding and any of the new fangled disciplines, oh please.
You may have a career you love. Or a work environment you crave. Or friends you meet several times a week for coffee. Or a new gym you visit five days a week. Why then do you feel guilty when you enjoy these things? Why do you feel a tinge of shame when you are away from your children, or when you miss a tennis match or a school play or a dance? Why do you question your choices? I'll tell you why. Because you believe you should be doing one or the other. Fact. You can have both. Being a great mom is NOT about giving up who you are to take care of your children. It's not about short-changing your career to spend time with your kids. It's not about doing this OR that. Being a great mom is about doing both.
If your kids are anything like mine, they aren't about to sit still for a lecture on responsibility or leadership or trust. Here's an action you can put to work right now. Take your son aside and show him the last three months of electric bills. Point out how much you spend, the seasonal trends, and how the bill fluctuates depending on how much electricity the family uses. Don't lecture. Don't complain. And don't blame anyone for the high bills. Just show him the statements and explain how the money you pay is in direct proportion to the energy you use. Here's a better idea. Take him around to the side of the house and show him the electric meter. “You see that little doohickey spinning round and round? You ask him. “The faster it spins the more we pay. Don't take your eyes off it. I'll be right back." Then go inside and turn off the switch to all the electric breakers but the one leading to the kitchen. You heard me, shut off all the power to your house but the kitchen. Outside your son is amazed. “It's spinning way slower,” he says. “That's because the only thing drawing power is the refrigerator. No lights. No hot water. No air conditioning. No television. No Wii. Okay here's the deal” you say. “If you can lower the electric bill, you get to keep every penny of the savings. “How do I do that?” “I just showed you. You start shutting off lights and turn off the TV when you aren't watching and you stop cranking up the AC every time you walk in the door.” “If the bill goes down, you keep the difference between this bill in my hand and next month's bill.” When I tried this little gambit on my own son, he took lowering the electric bill to a whole new level. He refused to let me or his older brothers use the air conditioning AT ALL. He learned that the hot water heater was a huge consumer of electricity, so he taught himself to shut off the hot water heater breaker and only turned it on for an hour each morning. The first time it happened, I found myself late for an appointment and forced to endure a cold shower. He roamed the house shutting off lights several times a day. And if his brothers and I cheated on any of his energy saving tactics, he lectured us on the evils of waste and global warming and keeping our word. Why did he get so enthused: Because I gave him a big problem to solve and a big reward if he solved it. I also gave him the authority to set the rules. Only he could fiddle with the thermostat. Only he could turn on the hot water heater. Only he had the power to make a real difference. Bottom line: I trusted my youngest son. And trust is a powerful motivator to a ten-year old. It's a powerful motivator at any age. I also told him the truth. As a family we were wasteful and lazy and I was worn out following behind him and his brothers shutting off lights and television and game stations. I told him I needed his help. If he was up for the challenge there might be a big payoff. How big was entirely up to him and the electric company. And it worked. Our electric bill plummeted, my son got a big payoff, and in the process he learned a little about managing scarce resources in a hostile environment. I'm a big believer in change . . . . . . and I'm living proof that you can manifest significant change in EVERY area of your life. In fact, you'll be surprised at just what you can accomplish for yourself IF you just take that first step forward— just like I did. If you want creative results, you must be willing to take creative action. My Life Coaching Program in a Nutshell Here's how it works. You and I talk on the phone several times a month. You tell me about yourself and your children and your career and your relationships. You share what works and what doesn't. I'm not here to scold or lecture. I'm here to listen. I'm here to offer alternatives. Together, you and I uncover your hidden motivations and unconscious concepts about family, value, and self worth. I think of these hidden motivations as "drivers," the forces and logic behind your actions. On each call we talk about one of the drivers and when it's appropriate, I give you a couple of suggestions to challenge your thinking. No mega-events. No group calls. No podcasts or CDs to listen to. No DVDs to watch. No workbooks to plow through and figure out on your own. It's just you and me, two people with similar experiences, talking about you. It sounds easy because it is. Life coaching isn't just about fixing what's broken. Sure, that's a part of it. But a more powerful aspect of having a coach "on call" is that a coach can and should be nudging you forward, prodding you to do more of what you enjoy and less of what you don't, and encouraging you to find your cause. C. William Polland, former Chairman of the Board of ServiceMaster, a $7 billion company, said that people want to work for a cause. I think this soulful billionaire got it only half right. People want to work for a cause and they want to LIVE for a cause. One problem; it's not always easy to find your calling in life. I've found mine—life coaching for moms—and if you trust me, I'm willing to help you find yours. Here's a hint to finding your calling: The more you forget yourself—by giving of yourself to others you love—the more human you become and the sooner you transform into the person you've always dreamed of. I do something you won't find another life coach on the planet doing. Here it is: When you need help, I stop what I'm doing and listen. Some issues need resolution NOW! Not later in the day. Not when your spouse gets home. Sleep on it? Are you kidding me? Daniel Goleman, best-selling author of books on emotional intelligence, says that 67 percent of our abilities essential for good decision-making are dependent upon our emotional competencies. Yet when we can't decide—when we are stuck—we get emotional. We're human; it's what we do. And when we become emotional, we lose our emotional intelligence. Poof. Like that, it's gone. Bottom line: without emotional intelligence, good decisions don't happen. Far from it. In moments of confusion, distress—or worse, full blown hysteria—and with exactly zero emotional intelligence—our worrisome actions often make things worse. Don't blunder into a bad decision. Call me instead and we'll talk it through. Pricing I charge $1,000 per month for unlimited coaching calls. You heard me right. For one flat monthly fee, you and I can talk as much as you like. We can chat about children, legacy, money, identity, belonging, your desire to be appreciated, unrecognized needs or any other issue preventing you from having the life you really want. No limit. None. If you need to talk, we talk. I do ask that you schedule calls, but how many is entirely up to you. A powerful aspect of having a coach "on call" is that a coach can and should be nudging you forward, prodding you to do more of what you enjoy and less of what you don't, and encouraging you to find your cause. When you need to talk "right now" check my online schedule, and if I'm not on a call with someone else, just pick up the phone and give me a shout. It's that easy. Call now and see if working with a life coach is right for you. Go for it. You'll be glad you did. If I agree to take you on as a client, here's what I expect of you. You must be open, coachable, and ready to begin. You must be willing to speak candidly and honestly. You must be ready for change. I'm excited about coaching with you. If you are ready to take this on, I encourage you to let me know as soon as possible. The fact of the matter is I wish I could help more mothers . . . but I can't. I'm looking for one more mom to add to my current schedule. I hope that mother is you. Give me a shout and see if working with a life coach is right for you. Call me now. 580.916.5721 Or, check out my appointment calendar and choose a time for a free 60-minute consultation that fits your schedule. Give me a few hours of your time, and I'll show you a part of yourself you thought was long gone. Go for it. You'll be glad you did. |
Creative Action #1: Improve your life by improving the life of someone close to you, even if that someone is a stranger. 
Creative Action #2: The best way to take creative action is to get a coach to help show you the way. 
Creative Action #3: Do something, even if it's the wrong thing.
Creative Action #4: Stop trying to do one thing OR the other. Instead, do both.
Creative Action #5: To your children (and just about everyone around you), what you do is way more important than what you say. Trust your children by doing more and saying less.
